Nate Jones' Notebook: Stop the presses (Printed Feb. 1, 2008)
In case you haven’t guessed yet, I’m the new guy
here at The Leader. While I’m fairly new to the journalism world I’m no
stranger to writing and certainly not to Maine, having grown up in York
County, and after going away to college in Maryland, I finally found
myself living in Cumberland County three years ago.
Like most people, I think I have an interesting life. Unlike most people, I like to talk about it. So, at the risk of being both boring and grossly autobiographical, I’ve decided to equate myself with a newspaper.
The “Nate Jones Times” would be as follows:
On the front page you’d find a large color photograph of my old wooden sailboat. It would probably be cloudy, possibly even raining, as is the weather’s habit whenever we break out a camera onboard. The article would portray the dilapidated state in which my father and I found her almost two years ago, and tell the story of her rebuild.
In the community section of the paper you’d find articles written by liveaboards, as my neighbors and my wife and I live aboard boats year-round in Casco Bay. The stories would describe how we survive on the water all year long, what we do during the storms and the beautiful summer days.
The economics section would report a massive decline in overall income after I left a lucrative but risky position. My wife would be interviewed about her recent promotion, and what it feels like to be the primary bread winner at home.
The opinion page would be composed by our cat, who I imagine would like to complain about nearly every aspect of being confined on a boat. Letters to the editor would have to be screened carefully as to not offend the other animal groups that congregate around our boat in the summertime.
The political page would be a special pull-out section, specifically designed by the best papermakers in the world and firefighters from around the country. It would be hailed by all political parties as the absolute best way to light your kindling.
A study detailing the recent increase in overall mental health and decrease in stress would be on the health page. Doctors would be interviewed; all agreeing that a recent change of career was the cause of the new positive attitude.
The sports page would offer sneak peeks to Super Bowl advertisements.
Police notes would detail the date and time of each violation of our boat’s water pump, which needs to be shut off in the winter after each use of the sink so pipes don’t freeze. Stone-walling detectives would be interviewed on the possibilities that the crimes are linked to the mysterious turning up of the thermostat.
The classified ads would have to be compiled by my wife, who would undoubtedly fill the last few pages of the paper with real estate properties for sale. None of the homes listed would be waterfront.
I don’t know how many copies of the “Nate Jones Times” would sell, but I am looking forward to hearing the interesting stories and real interviews that make every Mainer interesting to read about.
–Nate Jones
Contact Nate Jones at 282-4337 ext. 233 or email news@scarboroughleader.com
Like most people, I think I have an interesting life. Unlike most people, I like to talk about it. So, at the risk of being both boring and grossly autobiographical, I’ve decided to equate myself with a newspaper.
The “Nate Jones Times” would be as follows:
On the front page you’d find a large color photograph of my old wooden sailboat. It would probably be cloudy, possibly even raining, as is the weather’s habit whenever we break out a camera onboard. The article would portray the dilapidated state in which my father and I found her almost two years ago, and tell the story of her rebuild.
In the community section of the paper you’d find articles written by liveaboards, as my neighbors and my wife and I live aboard boats year-round in Casco Bay. The stories would describe how we survive on the water all year long, what we do during the storms and the beautiful summer days.
The economics section would report a massive decline in overall income after I left a lucrative but risky position. My wife would be interviewed about her recent promotion, and what it feels like to be the primary bread winner at home.
The opinion page would be composed by our cat, who I imagine would like to complain about nearly every aspect of being confined on a boat. Letters to the editor would have to be screened carefully as to not offend the other animal groups that congregate around our boat in the summertime.
The political page would be a special pull-out section, specifically designed by the best papermakers in the world and firefighters from around the country. It would be hailed by all political parties as the absolute best way to light your kindling.
A study detailing the recent increase in overall mental health and decrease in stress would be on the health page. Doctors would be interviewed; all agreeing that a recent change of career was the cause of the new positive attitude.
The sports page would offer sneak peeks to Super Bowl advertisements.
Police notes would detail the date and time of each violation of our boat’s water pump, which needs to be shut off in the winter after each use of the sink so pipes don’t freeze. Stone-walling detectives would be interviewed on the possibilities that the crimes are linked to the mysterious turning up of the thermostat.
The classified ads would have to be compiled by my wife, who would undoubtedly fill the last few pages of the paper with real estate properties for sale. None of the homes listed would be waterfront.
I don’t know how many copies of the “Nate Jones Times” would sell, but I am looking forward to hearing the interesting stories and real interviews that make every Mainer interesting to read about.
–Nate Jones
Contact Nate Jones at 282-4337 ext. 233 or email news@scarboroughleader.com
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